Thursday, January 31, 2013

Transformative Blogging Class Openings

Just a quick note to say I still have room in my month long on-line Transformative Blogging class that begins Monday, February 4th. Detailed course description here at Story Circle Network (open to members and non-members alike).

All level of bloggers welcome, as we start nice and easy with an inventory questionnaire designed to help you map out your goals as a blogger or recalibrate your existing blog. Support comes several ways: 1) via the extended brainstorming we do as a class  and 2) your teacher. Expect generous mirroring of goals, specific feedback and ideas for the next step, which, it turns out, may be anything from journal writing to writing a sample “about Me” to writing up a guest post for one of your classmates (and more).

 In support of Transformative Blogging coursework and women bloggers in general, I’ve been happily blogging on my website:


Saturday, January 26, 2013

Found Angels, Snow Birds, and New Perhaps Maybes

All God’s angels come to us disguised…—James Russell Lowell
....and regardless of the mood we inhabit, in my case, an extreme case of grumpiness spurred by relocating to a new city (for backstory, see A Daughter, Sand Angels and the Sun).

With frustration lingering, children, husky and husband in tow, I plowed down the Coronado dunes of SEAL beach, desolate but for our family on that particular Saturday, where on any given week day, you’ll find SEALS-to-be swarming the sand, running in groups, one boat a group balanced and bobbing on the stocky necks and heads of the men.
Or storming the surf, linked arm to arm and dropping flat onto muscled backs right at the tide line, waves flowing in, flowing out, over their shivering bodies. Later still, after sunset, find them slipping stealthily into the water wreathed in the green glow of chem lights to withstand what they withstand on their way to soldier-hood.

But I wasn’t thinking about any of this, too lost in my own dark spiral of tension, when up out of the sand waved this little creature who turned out to be one of many angels formed by the convergence of late afternoon sun, beached pebbles and the patterns left by retreating waves repositioning the silvering to black and tan sand into robes and hems and waving arms.

I fired off a few images to my photo poem montage collaborator Robyn Beattie…(she’s the real photographer) and thus began an angel image volley, in which I scored the lovely blue pebbled image of Robyn's heading this post. And took delight in Robyn's recounting of photographs she coincidentally had just taken at the di Rosa Art Preserve in Napa of an installation we quickly fell into calling "the angel pit..."

...since, in the photo she sends me, it appears to be a jumble of white angel statues. Robyn tells me yet another angel, high overhead, like a sentry, circles the pit on an orbital track. I do not know the story behind the artist or even the true name of the installation, but no matter, the images haunt best, richest, unexplained.

Where mermaids took me by storm earlier this month, angels followed....first strung all along the beach...and then in the garage of our new house where I found perched above the washing machine a plaster angel with face averted and broken wing covered in cobwebs. And unpacking boxes, the cover of a journal from years ago with a silver metal plate angel bronzing slowly with rust.

But it is the sand angels I want to share here. This next one I call "Dancing Angel," because of her tiny feet peeking out from under her cloak.

Later, with a hot cup of tea and from the comfort of a leather couch, I felt overcome with gratitude for the mirth of nature to jar me out of my funk as I read James Russell Lowell’s poem, The First Snowfall (1847), written upon the death of his daughter Blanche, I stood and watched by the window / the noiseless work of the sky / and the sudden flurries of snow birds.

The poem turns on a kiss for his remaining living daughter who kisses her grieving father back, unware that his kiss was given to her sister / Folded close under deepening snow.

I continue to give thanks for the century (and its advancements in medicine) I inhabit, in which unlike Lowell, (god willing) I will not face the almost certain loss of one or more of my children and spouse.

I'll close with "Angel Heart" (above), and "Praying Angel" (below), ever aware of the intense field of the sand these angels emerge from, coalescing intermittently between the myriad bootfalls of men straining towards prowess, trainees large enough of heart to risk incredible physical and mental duress in the service of the desire to protect.

And I can't close without a nod of gratitude to one of my everday angels, poet Liz Brennan, who has promised not to ditch me and perserveres in collaborating on Perhaps Maybe poems despite our physical separation. She has recently posted The Color of Lightning, Tenderness Calls (a tri poet effort, with Tess P), and From a Mage's Staff (Liz hooked Tess and I up). There's still room for you to join us...send Liz a Perhaps or a Maybe and she'll write up the other half or volley it on to one of her other contributors.

Monday, January 14, 2013

Transformative Blogging for Women: 2013 Year of Inquiry

I’m honored to be heading into my second year of teaching Transformative Blogging for Women over at Story Circle Network—always a dynamic, alchemical exchange--such a joy to engage with each blogger who joins the circle. Out of the synergy of our shared inquiry comes new inspiration and blogging direction and well, just plain old fun. We get to the work, of course, but there’s more going on than meets the eye with this built-in accountability team: gentle encouragement, fearless brainstorming, leaps of faith. I hope you’ll join us—members and non-members alike are welcome; I still have spots left in this month-long workshop that opens on February 4, 2013. (Or contact me if you wish to work one-on-one—also an option).

I’m also very excited to announce that I have a Transformative Blogging e-workbook in the pipeline (based on the course). If you are not able to take the on-line class, maybe you’d like to work through the exercises we use either on your own or with a blogging companion. In support of the workbook, I am gearing up to provide an extended look at the world of women bloggers on my other website where I plan to kick off a year of inquiry this spring. I’ll be reviewing current blogging literature, reviewing blogs of note as well as fielding questions about blogging; hope you will stop by and join the fray.

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Crossing the Blue Bridge or Navigating by Mermaid

"Human soul, should it dream of me / Let my memory wakened be. / Moon, moon, oh do not wane…do not wane…” From Song of the Moon, excerpt from Dvorak’s opera Rusalka (notes by Martha Kate Lind)

I miss blogging here. Been meaning for weeks to write a transition post. But couldn’t, especially on the home site closest to my heart, during the deluge of physical and psychic details it took to uproot ourselves from our Sonoma County home. I managed a couple goodbye posts, one over at The Fertile Source, and again, another laced with what it meant to homeschool my daughter the last four months, over at Mother Writer Mentor.

New Year’s day we left the amber browns of our lime mottled redwood trunks and the perpetually damp earth beneath for the bright sand bordered rind of land housing Coronado. In the u haul, my husband, the boys and the Husky drove ahead of my daughter and I, our van overflowing with coolers, pillows, socks and a case of wet dog food to the dueling yowls of the two house cats overlaid by the calm and mystical voice of  poet / priest John O’Donahue on CD (Anam Cara, Wisdom from the Celtic World), parting gift of my writing collaborator Elizabeth.  

O’Donahue’s protracted r’s and the way he holds a syllable on the tongue mid-word takes the edge off leaving behind four feral cats renters have promised to feed, but when the sun sets, the tears come. My favorite of the cats, the older male with his gorgeous uneven throttle of a purr, is now likely rubbing his thick chin against the back door glass, one ear torn but intact, brown gold eyes scanning for us as he stands on his back legs and rests a paw on the second tier of door-panes.

My daughter notices I’m crying, so I admit it: I miss my ferals. Wish we could bring them. But it would be cruel. The woods are all they know. I’m trying to be bigger than that, reassure us both that though the woods are all we know, we’ll come to know the new city. Elizabeth, (play with her over at Perhaps Maybe—she’s still looking for prose poets) with her poet’s heart and acuity, reminded me before we left to take in the surroundings no matter what went down, notice the sun, sky, lay of the land.

Her advice comes in handy during our five long minutes of crisis the last leg of our adventure crossing the blue bridge into Coronado. Even as the u haul stalled and sputtered to a dead stop a mere 200 yards onto the bridge, I noticed less the panic and steady throng of cars streaming around us, more the red tip of sun plummeting past the Pt. Loma lighthouse. More the boats with their triangles of white sails, less the winking of the u haul’s hazard lights. Eventually the u haul started back up, we found our way to Orange Avenue, and the realtor kindly unlocked the door for us so we could sign our new lease and fumble our way through the maze of new rooms in the dark (without power).

If trees were king at the old home, water reigns queen here at this farthest tip of California. Since our new home won’t be ready for two weeks (we learn when we arrive—though we are happy to wait for new carpets and paint and tile), we take by day to the sea. I’m thinking of the round stained glass window that hung in our home in the trees featuring a mermaid whose hands cup the largest of a set of escaped bubbles of air--stand-in for her mirror.

Without a physical home and for the duration of this transition, I’m navigating by sign. Following on the heels of the image of the stained-glass mermaid, I find just outside the kitchen door garden of the new house a beautiful six inch metal mermaid, rusting a beautiful green bronze, left behind by the last tenant.

Here she floats in her own starfield, symbol of where air-line meets water-line. An entity that thrives in both domains. Symbol of decisions of maturity on the horizon. Threshold between girlhood and womanhood that we cross once ourselves and once again when our daughters cross it. Maybe once again when we lose our mothers; I don’t know. Tell me if you know.

I’ve often thought about the little mermaid (Hans Christian Anderson) and her infamous trade—the voice for legs, made a collage book once about it titled "Army of Lovers," wrote a bit about it in relation to raising a daughter earlier here and tangentiallly with regard to sirens in relation to marriage (Deciphering the Siren) here. This time I’m thinking about her infatuation with the prince, goaded by something I came across when scanning a summary of Ambiguities in HCA’s The Little Mermaid by Jacob Boggild and Pernille Heegaard (Andersen og Verden, Odense 1993). On their way to discussing the complexity of HCA's ending for the tale and wieghing the little mermaid's spiritual vs. sensual motivations, the authors remind us she falls in love with the prince because he reminds her of a statue she keeps in her garden.

soap by Cazgirl; see below for contact info
So I take up the thread: if she’s enamored with a statue, maybe she’s not really ready for the full blown flesh and blood human male, nor could he be ready for the girl with the sweetest voice (remember the mermaid hears the prince’s bride-to-be singing and it hurts her to know she could sing far more beautifully, if she hadn’t given up her voice). What would that relationship be like, say she kept her voice, and lured the prince with song.  Would he be able to see past her siren self, ever fathom her as a whole being?

Both prince and mermaid strike me as vulnerable. And The Little Mermaid wouldn’t be a fairytale without the sorrow of near-miss, the longing of separation, without which we’d miss the chance to fully contemplate the distance the pair would have to cross to coexist in mature relationship. And thus as readers we fall in love with yearning, its purity of impulse, unmarred by actuality of day to day relationship.

The new mermaid I found in the new house is not glass, but substantial, elemental (metal). Which brings O’Donahue to mind and his musings on the way our bodies are made of particles with memories of their own, earth memories from other times and peopled with other people from long ago so that sometimes we are swept with emotion the mind doesn’t understand.

Which also aptly describes my experience of listening to the San Fransicsco based vocal women’s ensemble Kitka. As we walked between our new home and the kids’ school along the waterway, bordered by ocean and harbor, I finally bought, downloaded, and listened to The Rusalka Cycle: Songs Between the Worlds, drawn to the image on the album’s cover of a woman cloaked in blue, rising towards the faint reflection of her face marking the water’s lid.  

Notes for the album read: “In Slavic folklore, Rusalki are the restless spirits of women who have died unjust or untimely or unnatural deaths. They inhabit the waters, forests, and fields, luring people to them with their mesmerizing songs and wild laughter.”  Titles from To the Lake to Awakening to River Rose to Sirens forewarn of the supernally gorgeous field of lament one is about to enter.

Here far voices, jubilantly macabre, swirl as if from down a long silver hall with unparalleled simplicity to the lilts of cello. Phantom criers rise and fall in the background, garlanded by the voices of sisters. In the sweet high notes and later powerful guttural chants, one senses reproach beyond confrontation: a complete mirror and witnessing to the suffering of not only the Rusalka but those left behind and those later ensnared by her state.

Songs like Siren or Wave might frighten a male audience (and some female), but a preverbal part of me felt soothed by the force of group lament. You get the feeling that when something is known it is known forever, fathomed in the survivors’ eyes. Debts remain to the living and the departed. I read that a Rusalka’s state can be transformed if her death is avenged; Kitka, with sound, has so delineated the sorrow of untimely death that it it feels an avenging, via song. 

When I asked permission to run the album cover, longtime Kitka singer Shira Cion directed me to a beautiful background article about the process of making the album, "Singing Shapeshifters in the Shadow of Chernobyl: Kitka Ignites the Embers of a Disappearing Song Ritual" which details the journey the group took to the Ukraine (where rusalki rituals are still practiced) with singer Mariana Sadovska as their guide.

Reading about an early morning experience the group had in a village near the Belarusian border, I felt humbled once again by synchronicity. Though I have never traveled to the Ukraine, my ancestors hail precisely from that region. My father (who introduced me to Kitka when I was in my early 20s) taught me that our name loosely translates to "one who is of the marshes"). No wonder I wrote for pages in my journal while listening to The Rusalka Cycle, at the mercy of a cellular recognition beyond my control or immediate ken.

Those pages of raw writing ended on the asssertion, "you can't take the girl out of the girl" and the question, "how can such joy coexist with such sorrow?" I only know Kitka pulls it off, presenting the emotions as two halves of one sphere.  Just as promised by Shira in the article: “We hope that the songs invite the reckless spirits of the Rusalki into the imagination of each listener, opening portals into haunting and beautiful realms between the worlds.”

Sculpture by Ananda Beattie
To balance out the foray to such harrowing depth, I return to the lighter and equally necessary wisdom of John O’Donahue’s words. In the chapter, Your Solitude is Luminous, O’Donahue implies if we can stop thinking long enough to feel, the opportunity beckons to cross over to rapture, inhabiting the moment with multiple layers of the little self we know so intimately and the big self we aspire to encompass comprised of earth, sky, water, and the scale of human experience across time.

In June of 2010 when we were first contemplating moving, I found solace as well in the words of poet Robert Haas. Prior to reading from his Whitman series (Song of Myself and Other Poems by Walt Whitman, edited and annotated by Haas and Paul Ebenkamp), Haas spoke of the fertility of border zones, how deer like to graze at the edge of the forest where they can see the meadow and the stream; fish, in similar fashion, are drawn to water transition zones, finding at such merging locales rare and rich nutrient exchange. I’m trying my best to occupy the internal zone with grace--picturing wingbuds between the shoulder blades, thinking of butterflies and mermaids with wings.

 Related Mermaid musings:
Ananda’s line: Ananda Beattie's mermaid sculpture; poetry set to the photograhs of Robyn Beattie, including the one above Robyn took of Ananda's sculpture.

 Mermaid soap (see middle photo in this post): a xmas gift this year from my mother-in-law, of sandalwood, I found her on top of one of our packed boxes when looking for two CD rental movies we accidentally packed and brought with us. Heavenly scent of sandalwood, the label reads: cazgal [at] comcast [dot] net, out of Cazadero California, the sweetest smelling bar of soap I’ve ever had, with a stunning mermaid sculpture on top. I can't imagine ever using it.

Dvorak solo, Rusalka: (Anna Netrebko 2007): a beautiful performance, Netrebko, in shimmering gold, channels pure Rusalka.

See also fantasy writer / blogger T.F. Walsh's rich list of the appearance of the Rusalka across mediums; I learned about Dvorak's work here; hope you'll also check out her mythology manual.

Related fairy tail musings (The King and The Corpse) and first crossing of the blue bridge into Coronado: A Summer Solstice Promise.